Hardest and Worst are not Synonymous

100% honesty here.  This has been a hard year.  Probably one of the hardest years I’ve had (you probably already knew that). 

But here’s the thing….

For a while now, I have been letting hardest equal worst in my head.  I have been walking around for the last couple weeks thinking to myself that this has been a horrible year because I had to work really hard to see very little results.  I have been counting down the days until I leave because I was ready to leave this chapter of my life behind me.

Then last night….

I went out to dinner with some friends last night to celebrate my birthday and we got to talking about memorable moments.  We talked about what are our worst experiences, things we are going to miss, and our best experiences during this year.  Through this conversation, I realized that so many amazing things happened this year.  Sure there are some moments that I would not like to repeat, but there are many that I would love to go back and do again.  This year I have hiked in some beautiful places, vacationed on a volcanic island, been to the presidential house, seen the Panama Canal, jumped off a waterfall, and met some of the most amazing people. 

As I am sitting here, looking at my packed bags, I am filled with emotion because this has actually been one of the best years of my life.  I am going to miss this place more that I ever thought I would.  But more than that, I am going to miss the people here.  This place has incredible people who have made a huge impact on my life. 

Because I didn’t get to say goodbye to all of you (and because honestly, I couldn’t say this without completely breaking down in tears): Thank you.  Thank you for your hospitality, your honesty, your friendship.  I thank God for you (and internet so we can keep in touch).  Thank you for everything. 

I wish I had pictures of everybody, but here are a couple. 

Never Once Did I Ever Walk Alone

Yeah, I know....It's been a long time since I last updated my blog.  Life over the last 6 months has been slightly crazy.  I had Christmas with my family, Semana Santa in Panama, Mom and Grandma came to visit, and Mom and Dad came to visit!  Mixed in with that is life as usual here.

I have always been told that your first year of teaching was one of the hardest.  To be honest, I never really believed people when they said that.  I would always think, "That won't be me.  I know what I am doing and am confident in myself."  Wow, was I ever wrong.  This has truly been one of the most difficult years of my life.  Between being in another country, having a difficult class, and being in my first year of teaching, I often found myself overwhelmed by it all.

As I am looking at the last 3 days of the school year, the song lyrics, "Never once did we ever walk alone."  This song is truly a reflection of what this year has been like.  Despite all the difficulties that have come my way, never once was I alone.  Even in my stubbornness when I wanted to do it by myself, He was there to catch me when I (inevitably) fell.  No matter how many times I have messed up, He has been there for me.

Looking at this upcoming year, I remind myself of what God has been teaching me - you are not alone.  I'm in the same position as last year - looking for a new job.  I know the Lord has my future in His hands, but I have such a hard time letting go.  I want to do it all.  I want to know what I am doing now, and I want it to be according to MY plan, not HIS.  I don't like waiting. I don't like unknowns.  I don't like giving up my control.  However, I gave my life to Him, I trust Him, and know He has a much better handle on all of this than I do.

I would appreciate your prayers through this time of transition in my life.  There are so many pieces that need to come together which require me giving up my control.  I would also appreciate prayers for safe travel (I come back on June 16) and prayers for my Mom who goes home on June 9.

My Provider

I woke up at 5am this morning. This is probably due to my routine and the excitement of going home. As I was laying in bed, I was thinking about the ways that the Lord has provided for me over these last five months (and even before I came). In chapel, we have been learning about the different names of God. One that has really stuck out to me is Jehovah-Jireh which means "my provider." Time and time again, the Lord has provided for me. Here is a short list of how He has been my provider:

• He provided a job when it looked like nothing was left.
• He provided the funds I needed at just the right time to help me get here.
• He provided an excellent community that is willing to help each other out.
• He provided several great teaching mentors who have given me so much advice.
• He provided when my vacation plans went horribly wrong, and allowed me to still have time to relax.

As I get ready to travel back to the states today, I ask that you please keep a couple items in prayer specifically:

• Safety in travels.
• That there are no problems with exiting Honduras and entering the United States.
• That I can get through customs quickly and make it to my next flight (my layover isn't quite as long as I thought).
• Pray that my flights don't get delayed or cancelled.
• Pray that even if something goes different than I expect, that I will keep a positive attitude and remember who is really in charge.

A Season of Thankfulness

Wow...It's hard to believe Thanksgiving is in a couple days.  Time seems to be going by so quickly.

During the month of November, I have been challenging my students to take on a spirit of thankfulness.  We have done several different projects with this.  Ashley Youngblood made this beautiful tree that is on the door of my classroom.  Each of my students and several of their parents filled out leaves with things they are thankful for and we attached them to the tree.  I wish I had a picture of what it looks like now, but I don't.  However, I have a lot of extra leaves left over and would love for all of you to participate.  You can comment on my blog or Facebook post of things you are thankful for and I will make a leaf for you :)

Several days a week, they also complete journal entries on different aspects of giving thanks.  I started by having them write about things they were thankful for in general, but then started challenging them with questions like, "What are three challenges in your life that you are thankful for?" Hearing some of their responses were eye opening.  A lot of these students deal with difficult situations that I can't even comprehend, but yet they were still thanking God for them.  It makes my challenges seem so futile.  However, if my students can give thanks for their challenges, then so can I.

• I am thankful for separation from my family and friends.  Not seeing and talking to them every day has shown me how much I appreciate them and miss them.  I cannot wait to see them in 26 days. 
• I am thankful for an outspoken class.  They challenge me to be constantly looking for new ways to do things.  They challenge me to be a better teacher. 
• I am thankful for tight finances.  I am always finding things I can live without in order to save money.  
• I am thankful for a God who pushes me to be better in Him.  I am nothing without Him. 

My Thanksgiving this year is going to be very different than normal.  Today we had a Thanksgiving meal at church and we are having a Thanksgiving meal after school on Wednesday as a staff.  Then, I am off to the beach.  I am going to miss not being home for Thanksgiving, especially since it is my favorite holiday, but change is good.  Instead of spending Thanksgiving in cold, snowy Indiana, I will be relaxing in a hammock, reading a good book, and listening to the ocean waves.  

I pray you have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your families.

Love,

Bree

Homesickness

I have been grumpy today.  Really grumpy.  I have been trying to figure out why all day and I couldn't come up with a reason.  It wasn't until this evening that it hit me...I'm homesick.  I miss my friends, my family, my dog, my grocery store...everything.

For the last few days, we have been on break because of October Holidays here in Honduras.  This break has been beneficial in many ways.  It allowed me to get some much needed sleep, catch up on things in my classroom, and spend some time exploring Honduras with some friends.  The break also allowed me to think.  During a normal school week, I stay really busy, but this break allowed to me think about everything back home and made me realize how much I miss it. Don't get me wrong, I am truly enjoy being here in Honduras, but I also miss home.

Anyways, it has been a while since I wrote a blog post because it has been pretty busy here.  We have had some different holidays and special events happening at school.  I have also been working hard with my 5th graders.  I think I have made a good amount of progress with them.  I have been doing research and watching videos about things to try with difficult to manage classes.  There have been difficult times, but there have also been some pretty fantastic days as well.

On Friday, I was able to explore some of Tegucigalpa with some friends.  We went to a zoo that is a few minutes down our mountain and they explore the park next to it.  It has a giant Jesus statue that looks down over the city.  This is the view from the park:

We also went out to lunch and drove around the city.  All around, it was a really relaxing day.

Blessings:
1. Delta Airlines.  Seriously.  I booked my flight back to Honduras after Christmas and Delta upgraded my seats on both flights for free.  They were also willing to change my flight home for Christmas for free.
2. Internet.  Being able to talk to my family over internet makes them feel a lot closer.  I can't imagine doing this without that contact.
3. A break from school.  I was getting really overwhelmed with many details and having a break has allowed me to breathe again.  I feel like I am ready to tackle this next week.

Prayer Requests:
1. For my Honduran residency to come through.  Right now, I am having to get my Honduran visa renewed every 30 days which is a big hassle.
2. My health.  I have stayed pretty healthy so far and I pray it stays that way.  My goal is to not have to go to the doctor while I am down here.  (I sprained my ankle about a month ago.  I was stubborn and refused to go to the doctor.  It eventually healed.  Slowly, but it healed.)
3. My family's health.  I know several of my family members are going through some different health problems and I really wish I could be there for them.  I pray they start feeling better quickly.
4. My homesickness.  I have a countdown on my phone that tells me how many more days until I see my family again.  I don't want to wish away my time while I am here, but it brings me back to reality when I feel like I will never see my family again.

There is power in...

It's amazing what a difference a week can make! Last week at this time, I was feeling discouraged because of all the problems I have been having with my students.  Now, I am so excited about all the progress we have made and because of some INCREDIBLE things that have happened :) 

I will start with behavior management.  My class is very social and wants to talk all. the. time.  They also like to take a lot of time between transitions to socialize.  Last week, I started timing my students during these times and they realized just how much time they were wasting! Once they made this discovery, they started speeding up during transitions and were able to earn 10 extra minutes of recess because of it! Now I have been tackling the problem of talking.  I tried just about everything I could think of last week and nothing worked.  I realized that my students really didn't care if they lost part of recess because of talking.  I was really at a loss of what to do.  Some AWESOME teachers here gave me some really helpful advice which has made a big difference for me.  I have combined the two things that really motivate my students to manage my classroom: peer pressure and competition.  I moved the desks into groups and set up a point system where each group is competing against each other.  The groups earn points by following directions, being respectful, completing transitions quickly, etc and the group with the most points at the end of the week wins a prize.  Each group really wants to win, which is where the positive peer pressures comes into play.  I have found my students encouraging each other to do what they are supposed to because they want the points.  My class literally changed overnight! The last two days have been so great and I am so proud of my kids.  

The second thing I wanted to write about was an incredible event (actually, series of events) that happened in my classroom today.  We have been talking about health for the last week and a half and have spent the last couple days focusing on spiritual health. Today I was giving an extended version of my testimony (I gave the short version on the first day of school) and there were so many distractions throughout the entire time. It ended with me having to leave my classroom to get my passport because of an issue with immigration and not getting to finish my testimony.  Later, I was talking with my students about what had happened and I asked them to think back to when I talked to them about spiritual warfare.  Every distraction came at a time in my testimony that distracted us from what was important.  It was incredible to see my students' reactions as they connected the dots and discovered what was going on.  I took the opportunity to talk to my students about things we can do in situations like this.  We then spent time praying for our class.  I made a prayer circle in our room and then prayed over each of my students.  What an incredible moment we all had together! What's even better is a few students asked me later, "Why do things like that happen to Christians?"  I explained that while we will be attacked for being Christians, we don't need to fear because we have a great and mighty God on our side!  Today I am feeling so blessed that I am working at a school where I can freely talk to my students about God and stop and pray my classroom and my students in the middle of my day! 

Blessings: 

27.  Supportive teachers who are willing to give me tons and tons of advice when I have no idea what I should do. 

28. An incredible school where I can pray freely. 

29. Amazing students who forgive me when I mess up.

Prayer Requests: 

22. My (and the other new teachers) residency.  From my understanding, we were only given a 30 day visa instead of 90.  We had to send our passports to get new visas. 

23. Rain.  Honduras needs rain. 

24. My class.  Pray that we continue to have great days and there are more opportunities for "real moments."

The Beginning of School

Wow...what a start to school.  My first day was full of meeting my students and their parents, learning their names, and establishing routines.  Overall, I would say my first day went well.  I think my students walked away thinking that I would be a tough teacher and this year would not be easy (in my mind, that is a success).  Unfortunately, their thoughts of me being a tough teacher quickly diminished.  I found myself being too lenient when I needed to be firm and my students took advantage.  I took time this afternoon in my classroom to think about what I need to do to reestablish control in my classroom, and I think I have a plan...

The two biggest problems I am having in my classroom is transition time and walking in lines correctly.  During transitions, it can take over a minute for them to put away a journal and pull out a piece of paper.  To make this time shorter, I am going to give them a time limit and tell them if they can be ready in that amount of time, they get a point.  If they get 3 points in the day, I will work in an afternoon recess.  Since we don't typically have time in our schedule for afternoon recess, this will be a big motivator.  I am going to do something similar with walking in lines.  My hope is that will help remind them of the procedures we learned and give them something to work towards every day.

Blessings
24. The people who have given me advice on how to handle different situations in my classroom and have been praying for specific situations.
25. Caitlin and I have been invited over to different people's apartments for dinner.  It was really nice to have good company and delicious meals.
26. My church in Marion.  I was able to watch a sermon from a couple weeks ago this afternoon and it helped me bring everything back into focus.

Prayer Requests:
19. Pray that everything goes well and I am able to get my class back on track behavior wise.
20. I have one student who is pushing the boundaries more than any of the others.
21. My energy.  I feel worn out at the end of the day.  I hope that this will get better as my class gets better with their procedures.